I'm speaking my mind!

i hate myself for just letting time slip away before my eyes. Time has been flying and I've been letting it past me right by. Everything's been happening too fast this year, it only feels like yesterday taking me back to those good old days. Nostalgia. I should really forget it all and move the fuck on. Everything! It's not worth holding onto anymore, I won't let it get in my way. But the problem is I feel that I'm stuck with the past, even the little events build up. They just all return all at once and nothing new has entered my life ever since. I'm still living in the past, I missing something so fucking important right now. I really need it but is it possible to reach? From the point where I'm standing now? I've been struggling to survive each new day as it comes and I believe my days only grow longer and harder. I don't know what has happened to me, I guess I had my limits and some things were just overboard. It killed me. I haven't been able to pick myself back up and get back on track y'know? Just as I thought everything falls back in place again, I realise something else is up. Nothing is ever perfect for me, why? Life used to be great, my smiles were true, laughter filled the air, I was delighted at the end of the day, always. And these days? Barely, hardly, never! They say they understand me trying to tell me what I freaking need, I think I know and no one will understand me. They're only there to listen and comfort me at times when I need them and that's more than enough. I'm grateful to have met a few but I can say I'm glad to have met all those. Those who I was never meant to meet, thanks for making me who I am today.. a fucking god damn bitch! I never used to be a bitch but these days, it's just me and others have grown used to it. I can't be bothered putting effort into anything especially school studies. I'm seriously failing, not motivated at all and yet I don't seem to care less. I've become a queen of procrastionation and more lazy than anyone! I don't even remember the last time I aced an exam. My results and grades are going downhill, I'm going downhill with everything. Nothing is working out and I need a break from all this shit. I need more time but time is running out. It's been half a year already and I fucking need to put myself together. Mend all those broken pieces of me together again ain't easy. Some missing parts can never be mended or can they? Time heals all and I hope it does, even if it takes years, it will. Year 10 is the worst year of school for everyone. A different side I've never seen of people are finally being revealed and I haven't stopped being a bitch at all. It just doesn't work, sometimes in life you gotta be a bitch to survive out there. Hypocrites, dickheads, bitches, sluts and the amount of bitching that's been going on lately is pathetic. Everyone is such a hypocrite it's not funny and it's okay to girls who bitch about me cause I'm sure I talk shit about ya anyway. It's fucking quarter past 1 in the morning and I don't wanna sleep yet. Don't want to wake up to late. I am absolutely sick of it! This blog's a mess and everything is just all out of place at the moment. I just pray that things fall into place for me and holidays put me back together again and fuck, replace that part of me I'm misssing. I need it badly. I'm hating on myself right now, just FML. Yeah, fuck my life! It ain't worth living sometimes.