Who are they? Even i don't know but it sure came a long way. Some things i have learn these past few months and i think i'm gonna take that lesson with me for the rest of my life - i could be one of 'them' in the future - the tellers.
What i've learn is that i cannot trust people so easily - i think that's one of my flaws; by people i mean friends who i've known for twenty eight days max, bffn (best frens for now), acquaintances and such. I'm so innocent that way, i never judge people and i am so gullible, ok that came out wrong. Yes i do judge people, so do u! What i mean is that i don't really judge people in a sense that i can already predict that they will take a knife and stab me in the back..and then ask for the knife back, get what i mean? That is such a Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie kind of friendship and i am not up for that. It's such a big flaw and i should start extracting and begin to build my life around people who are trustworthy enough, people who i've known for a long time who has never gotten on my bad side or tried to. I can't deal with people who cannot respect me, when i respect them. Equal rights people, don't you think people will flee if you treat them like crap and then expect them to treat you nicely? This isn't Jupiter, this is planet Earth where people have feelings.
Let me start by saying, if anything was happening to you - the people you should turn to is your family. A scary thought for me because my parents are like, the scariest people you can share stuff with. They never try to understand me, when they should. Let's be friends with our parents, i'm 21 now - i think i've lived long enough to be treated as an 'almost-getting-to-adulthood' phase. As hard as you think it is, they will always be there for me. Yes, a few scolding and 'see, i told you so', or ' STOP CRYING!!!'.. at the end of the day they will be there to listen to you and support you no matter what. Things i've learn, is that my family is always there for me through shit times and happy times (maybe when i'm happy i hardly run back, but we all know where i will end up at the end of the day - my family). Sometimes, yes they try too hard and get too carried away with their advices that i want to stab my ear or plot a plan to run away to Madagascar and marry a lion but , that's just a thought. What i'm trying to say is that i'm thankful for a wonderful family who is always there for me. Now i know that i can count on them for anything, and that i am stronger that way.So give me time to build myself up again and pull back the people who actually are worth having in my life. Now i know who they are, so i hope you don't judge me anymore and accept them in my life.
Next, being constantly away from home. It's hard to build a social bond with anyone. So, all i have are people i use to know, and sometimes when i come back i make new friends. It's a good and bad thing, don't get me wrong. Sometimes it gets confusing, who to trust.. what i tell people, people might tell other people. Get what i mean? Maybe it's my fault, i don't know. I don't know who to blame, but i think it's my own fault that i've been walking around with my eyes half closed all this time. This time around, i hope people don't get me wrong if i don't say much, or say too much. Life is like that i guess, when you're a nomad. It sucks, and i really hate it. That is why i always tell myself - if i ever get a house, that's going to be the first and last house i'm going to buy. I never want to move, i want permanent things. Everything i have is not permanent, it was scary at first but i've learn to live with it. It's an unfair life, i hate not being able to stay in one spot long enough to experience things to the last moment, and i'm not one to believe that the grass is always greener on the other side. Whatever happens, happens - but i'm not really the type of person who gives up that easily.
Friends. Like what my mum said, 'friends are people you can count with your fingers'. Yes, that's true. I have learn that. It's hard to maintain friendship with old pals, interest change, social circle changes, people move away, sometimes one person is missing, sometimes one person isn't home long enough to start planning something. All that stuff, i wish i can turn back time and go back to school. Everything was permanent then, life was intact. So, high school kids - don't try to grow up too fast because you don't even know what life is about. I find it sick that 14,15,16,17 year old glorify themselves when they can get into clubs or have twenty six boyfriends down their sleeve; or the fact that you had sex and know how to orgasm in 400 ways. Please girls, this is Malaysia we're talking about - the government doesn't really give a two-hoot about your well-being or if you are found dead and raped in some sewer. Try breaking the rules in another country, and i will shut up. But this is Malaysia afterall, i shall not praise stupid juveniles who glorify their rule breaking agenda. Don't try to grow up too fast, cos once you're out of high school, that's when all your guard falls apart. It's like starting another life. It's funny how life is, people always want what they don't have. People always want something after they don't have it, open your eyes people. Embrace life, embrace what is around you. EMBRACE!
Best Friends. I have best friends. Best friends are not necessarily people i meet two thousand times a day and talk about everything, even the colour of my crap (excluding Michelle hahaha). But what i've learn is that - a best friend is someone.. after two thousand years, you can still act dumb and sit kangkang and laugh until your dress flips over and still act like it's a normal thing. So, yes. I do have best friends and i miss them so damn much despite the distance, and whatever time warp we're in. Michelle, Sher, Valerie, Shasha, Freda, Eli, Lene, Methushael, Paul, Audrey, Avril. Did i miss anyone out? I don't think so, i practically remember you guys as the people that shaped my teenage life - the ones that brought all the laughter and those crazy times we have together, none of that can be replace by anyone that i know now. I still trust you guys and run to you guys when shit happens to me, and you guys will always be there to slap me out of it. I can still count all of u with my fingers!! *waves jazz fingers*
What do you call friends after high school? Friends after high school? Hah.. these people are also people i owe bits of my life too because they shape some part of me that made me who i am today. Uni friends i have made, not alot but people i treasure. People whom i can call my best friends too, in another category :) Friends like, Sher, Doris, Daryl, Aaron aka Skinny Lizrard & Jojo aka big mama, Mimie aka mami angel. Not alot, but worth my memories! You guys are a crazy bunch! From all those late night clubbing and coming home at 7am in the morning. Laughing until the club ceiling falls down, all those memories. How can i leave you guys out?
Sisterhood! These are the people i call the ones i go too, who i don't actually hang around with due to social differences, age differences, clique differences but still can share my miseries with and they will always listen to me. They are the ones who i sometimes run to like sisters i never had. They are the ones that listen to me despite how we don't share common stories or everyday agendas, or ask about me even after a billion years. They will still be there to listen to me, and i want you guys to know how thankful i am for your ears and shoulders, i hope i didn't try to make you feel like you needed to stab your ears at one point Charlene , Corina and Cherly aka mit.(At one point in life)
Boyfriend. Ahh, that topic. That issue thing. Can i post a question, and can some mothers or fathers answer this? Cos it's been kind of a heated question.
1. Why do fathers get so defensive when their daughters start dating. Why do you men hate your own species? Isit because you're scared their just like YOUUUUUUUUU? ok joking. But pls answer my question. You don't have to be a parent.
My advice, before your answers : i really think fathers should get to know their daughters bf before judging them. Don't be so cliche like movies, it's overrated. Everyone will be happy if fathers get to know bf's instead of threatening them/stalking them/judging them. Movies and sitcoms are doing that enough. This is the new-age, some boys are gentlemen. Like, my brother? Hahaha. Yuck.
1. Why do fathers get so defensive when their daughters start dating. Why do you men hate your own species? Isit because you're scared their just like YOUUUUUUUUU? ok joking. But pls answer my question. You don't have to be a parent.
My advice, before your answers : i really think fathers should get to know their daughters bf before judging them. Don't be so cliche like movies, it's overrated. Everyone will be happy if fathers get to know bf's instead of threatening them/stalking them/judging them. Movies and sitcoms are doing that enough. This is the new-age, some boys are gentlemen. Like, my brother? Hahaha. Yuck.
I am a strong believer in love, call me a love-hippy but love holds me together. Not alcohol, not money, not anything but love, because love = happiness and that is the highest point of life. Do i sound like Buddha? Hahh.. well, my point is that i will fight for love more than i will fight for anything in this world. Love is what holds everything together. In the words of Mitch Albom from 'Tuesdays with Morrie'. LOVE WINS, LOVE ALWAYS WINS. I dare you to object to thatt.
Why should i give up on MY love after so long? Who are people to tell me that my love isn't worth giving, or that people are not worthy of my love. Love is free, nothing to lose but my heart. & that is my decision. This again, comes down to trusting people. Sometimes people don't like seeing other people happy, so they want to destroy people. The weak always die in this situation. Note : I'm not dead yet.
Words can be powerful when people know how to use it against each other - i've been in that position.. so distraught that i don't know what to believe. I should not have shown my weakness to certain 'frienemies' big mistake but i am getting stronger. Things i have learn i can only tell, it has to be experienced. Well now i know, i don't think i'm stepping on the same trapholes anymore.
Most of them are true, until you have experienced them. Some are crap, like don't walk under a ladder because it's bad luck. More like, don't walk under the ladder cos it will fall on you, and you will die. I have learn so many things in the span of like, 2 months? What people learn in 10 years people can learn in 1 day and ..you get what i mean. I don't want to sound so philosophical here.
Sleepy =-=' nyte2 ppl
=)
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